Setbacks, Curiosity, and the Pursuit of Love

Some days test us harder than others. Setbacks are never easy—and here I am again, feeling like I’ve been pushed a step back.

In the ICU, I had already dealt with the frustration of losing the use of my right arm thanks to an IV placed right in the crook of my elbow. The relief of having it removed didn’t last long—now a medline in my bicep leaks red a day later, tender and restrictive. I can’t even lift my daughter. That loss of simple function puts stress on both my wife and I.

Yet these moments force me to return to what I’ve been writing about lately: the importance of rest, of taking the time to be still. In life, I’ve learned to approach disappointments with a degree of acceptance, but they still sting. It reminds me of an old Chinese idiom: complacency serves the old Gods. I’ve always felt it has a double meaning—old habits demand reformation if we want to make vows to something new. So, what in my life needs to change?

This same question lives in my art. I look at a piece and ask: What needs to shift? How can I make it more meaningful? Is the anatomy in motion correct? How can I bend the rules to deliver a clearer, sharper message? There’s always something I’ve been avoiding, and that avoidance is usually the very thing I need to confront.

Recent reflections—especially from being a father—have convinced me of one truth: curiosity demands we sometimes “mess it up a little” (to borrow Willem Dafoe’s words). My daughter’s unfiltered drive to explore, even at the risk of breaking something, is driven by excitement. In art and life, that same drive often comes from love—a love of discovery, a love of beauty, and the love we hope to give and receive.

A year before my Aunt Janice passed, she wrote on a chalkboard: “I would be silent if I would be loved.” I believe, when she left, she felt all the love that had been hidden over a lifetime. Art, in all its forms, can reveal that love—shining through the noise of our busy lives. So if you read anything today, let it be this: you are loved.

In the end, setbacks are illusions—signposts rather than barriers. A fallen tree across the path doesn’t end the journey; it just asks us to walk around it, perhaps greet it with a smile. All things are temporary and fleeting, but they deserve our respect and gratitude. We may not know why an obstacle appeared, but we keep moving forward for the same reason we started: to find and give love.